Another important aspect of oneness is control. How one perceives and achieves control in the marriage relationship greatly affects the degree of oneness the couple will have. The kind of love that binds the couple in marriage will also determine how that couple perceives and achieves control. When the love that binds the couple is self-centered, control will be perceived as the ability to get the spouse to meet one’s needs: The more one is able to get one’s spouse to meet his or her needs, the more control one will feel he or she has.
When control is perceived in this manner one has to resort to either manipulation or force to achieve control. Those who are incline to manipulate their spouse to achieve control will use their power in a manipulative way to get their spouse to do what they want: They will either say something like; If you take me out to dinner this evening I will give you a special treat when we get back home or they will do something like, buying their spouse something special in order to get the spouse to be willing to give them what they want later.
Those who are inclined to use force to achieve control will use their power in a forceful way in order to get their spouse to do what they want: They will either say something like; I am the breadwinner in this family and we will do what I say or they will do something like, withholding sex until they get the other to do what they want.
Those who are bound together by self-centered love will always use either force or manipulation or both to gain control because for them control is the ability to get their spouse to meet their needs.
Next week we are going to look at how those who dwell in God and operate from God centered love perceives and achieves control. Until then I leave you with this portion of scripture to ponder and pray over:
13:4 Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; I Corinthians 13:4&5 (Emphasis supplied).