This week I am going to deal with the third aspect of oneness: Submission. Submission is not only the most important aspect of oneness it is also the most misunderstood aspect of oneness. Most couples struggle with submission because most couples follow the wrong model for oneness. Those who follow the addition method to achieve oneness see submission as a way to get their spouse to meet their need to feel complete (See part 6 of this series for an explanation of the addition method). Those who follow the subtraction method to achieve oneness see submission as a way to get their spouse to meet their need to feel powerful and in control (See part 7 of this series). Those who follow the division method to achieve oneness will avoid submission at all cost because it makes them feel less than equal (See part 8 of this series). Their understanding of submission has been tainted by the addition and subtraction methods: The addition method’s approach to submission is too weak and needy: The subtraction method’s approach to submission is too degrading and demeaning. Therefore, submission is viewed by them as something that destroys oneness instead of enhancing oneness.
The only mathematical method that gives the right understanding of submission is the exponential method (See part 9 of this series). The exponential method for oneness will cause one to see submission as a blessing because it will be seen as a choice to allow their spouse to use their gifts and talents to meet the need(s) of the marriage. For those who use the exponential method to achieve oneness, submission does not make them feel less equal because it is based on choice and/or mutual agreement. Neither does it make one feel important or more powerful because both spouse’s talents and gifts are recognized, appreciated and submitted to by the other in a way that enhances the marriage.
In summary, the problem with the traditional approach to marriage is not that it requires submission and has defined roles, the problem is rather how it requires submission and how it defines roles: The traditional approach requires submission and defines roles in a way that is self-serving at best and dehumanizing at worse.
The exponential method corrects this problem because roles are defined by one’s ability to best serve in that capacity for the good of the marriage and submission is either one’s choice to surrender to the ability of their spouse to serve in a role(s) or one’s choice to use their ability to serve in a role(s) in a way that is beneficial to all. Therefore, submission and defined roles do not limit and degrade; they empower and bless.
Next week I am going to deal with why so few people approach submission from the exponential method mindset. Until then I leave you with this portion of scripture to ponder and pray over:
5:24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:24-25 (Emphasis supplied).